Trap Of The Quicksand Heart

After the orientation session, we were asked to fill a form and sticked our passport size photo on it before we submitted it to the secretary of the club. I almost forgot her name-Sis Atul? I was not very sure but before I left the meeting room, I barely noticed that he stared at me with a smile on his face. I was so embarrassed and at the same time I wanted to be invisible. I thought they surely mocked me for being teary and scared with their 'restorative' words...speaking of the motivation, I guess I was not the type of person who can take motivation in this way!

I don't know why but I blamed him and his group for deliberately took of my last shield-my mask of arrogance! They succeed to shatter my fake 'coolness' to a humility, me to a humble and insecure young university student. After that I always tried to avoid him, I changed my route when I saw him. Or I hid and waited him to pass and completely out of my sight, then I continue my walking.

Anyhow, was it a coincidental or a fate between me and him, I met him almost everywhere. Each time he seemed trying to say something, but I did as best as I can to keep my distance. I had reasons why I was being sceptical with him. I heard some unpleasing gossips about him plus the admiration for his kindness and abilities in many things. More importantly, I don't like his friends' remarks when they saw he was talking to me. I felt like that I was the next 'victim' he would spoil and toy for a while. What a creepy thought!

Not long after the meeting, the club organized and invited all the state's students to attend a dinner. We were informed that this was like a formal dinner and we had to dress up to suit the occasion. I wore my sister's modern baju kurung which was very fashionable indeed. Yeah..I remember the pink color with satin silk fabric. It had a songket triangle shaped around the neck and down through the chest. I aware that he was always gazing me and I can felt that he was interested in me. I had a funny feeling inside me. I was flattered by his attention but in the same time, I warned myself that this probably was only a trial of woo. I had a monologue-how come he would fall for me? He was our leader and he was so popular. Almost everyone knew him. He couldn't fall for someone skinny and miserable like me? In the end, I felt disgusted with myself, for having a thought like that in the first place.

On the way back to college, I realized he was behind me and my friends but we walked so fast and he couldn't catch up with us. What was the meaning of all this gestures? Confusion enveloped me.